I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
