physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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