Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
