And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
