shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
