I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
