5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
