I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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