everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
