so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
