she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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