so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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