I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
