I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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