Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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