Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
