i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
