Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
