When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
