what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
