it wasn't lemon gatorade
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
