before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
