You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
