Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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