i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
