Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
