Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
