If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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