If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
