Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
