when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
