I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna fight the coyote
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
