Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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