I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
