there was a trapeze. enough said
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
