We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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