Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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