Screwed.edu
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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