It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
