I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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