when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
