you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
