I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
