Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
