I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
