I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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