Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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