I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also, beer. Big fan.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
