Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
