I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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