you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my shit smells like andre
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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