Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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