we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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