I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
