I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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