life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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