he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
